Hello again, sexy Salemites. I hope everyone is doing well during this hellish time of finals. Remember, kiddos – take some time for yourself, breathe, and hydrate. This month, we’ll be talking about the sexiest thing in the bedroom: consent.
I’m kidding, of course. Consent isn’t sexy, it’s mandatory. Before we get down to business, let me address something first. I understand that consent might be a difficult subject to talk about for siblings who have suffered from sexual assault. I can’t pretend to understand what you have been through, siblings, but know you are not alone and there are people who love you and will support you. The campus has some resources and there are a lot of resources outside of Salem that might be helpful for you including RAINN and Safe Horizon. You are loved and valued, Salem siblings.
Now, what do I mean when I say consent? I don’t mean a nod or a half-hearted “okay.” I don’t mean a “yes” that was manipulated or coerced. I mean an enthusiastic, informed, possibly moaned, coherent “yes” from your partner. It’s all about communication, my darlings. You can’t have sex without it.
Someone cannot consent to sexual activity if:
- If there is any sort of violence or physical pressure put on one party, that has not been agreed to beforehand. If you and your partner are into certain kinks that include consensual violence, this is not directed at you. This is referring to someone using physical violence to force someone to agree to sexual contact.
- They are underage. This is statutory rape, and while the age of consent varies in different states, minors cannot consent to sex with adults.
- There is a power imbalance between the two partners. If there is a chance that someone might be saying “yes” out of obligation or a need to keep a job or something of that sort, true consent cannot exist.
- They are drunk, drugged, or passed out. If they can’t speak, they can’t consent. If they can’t move, they can’t consent. Trying to do anything with someone while they’re unconscious or intoxicated is disgusting and is rape.
How to ask for consent:
- “How far do you want to go?”
- “Are you enjoying yourself?”
- “Do you like that?”
- Essentially, all you have to do is check in with your partner and make sure they’re into what’s happening. Like I said, communication is key, loves.
- Reading body language is also important for consent but it shouldn’t be your primary way of checking in on your partner. But if they look uncomfy, it might be time to check in.
That’s all I have for you today, Salemites. Again, during this upcoming hell week, make sure to take care of yourself – maybe take a little break and have some “me” time or spend some time with your partner. As always, send me any questions you might have.