Hello again, sexy Salemites! Last month we covered some stigmas surrounding masturbation — I hope it inspired you to seduce yourself and have some alone time — and now I’d like to talk about how that might impact your living situation.
Most of us, save for those lucky few, have roommates here at Salem. It can be fun, it can be difficult, it can also be hella awkward. Regardless of if you’re besties with your roommate or you merely tolerate each other, I recommend that you sit down and have a conversation with each other about sex. Most people don’t want their roomies to walk in while they’re getting it on with their partner, or by themselves with a favorite toy; and most people don’t want to see that when they’re coming into their room to work on a lengthy paper.
No one is necessarily wrong in that situation. Sex is natural and people should be able to have a sexual release in their own living space, but roomies have the right to not be a witness to said sexy times. Here’s some advice to try to make things a little less awkward.
Set a time to talk. This is beyond obvious, kiddos, I know. But our society has royally screwed us when it comes to talking about sex and it means that often times people feel incredibly awkward. But it’s necessary to talk to your roommate about this stuff — they live in your room too. Try to cultivate an environment with your roommate that isn’t judgemental, at the very least. It’ll make it easier to talk about if there is no judgement.
Talk about what everyone is comfortable with. Some people just don’t care if you’re with your partner in the room, or if you’re going to town on yourself while they watch Buzzfeed videos. There are others who absolutely care about sex happening in their room and don’t want anything to do with it. Don’t allow anything to happen in the room unless both parties are comfortable with it — meaning, if someone is comfortable with sexy times all the time but the other person only wants sexy times to happen from the hours of 4:37 p.m. and 8:19 p.m. every other Wednesday, then you should block out time for those hours.
Set hours and days that sex is a-okay. I would plan date nights in advance with your roommate for when a partner is going to come over or you’re going to masturbate. Make it a part of your roommate contract; these days/times are good for watching TV, these days/times are good for alone time in the room, these days/times are good for quiet studying. It’s always nice to have things in writing, in my humble opinion. We’ve all been sexiled before and it’s always annoying, but it’s even more annoying to not have anywhere to go when it happens in the spur of the moment. Speaking of…
Have a contingency plan! Spur of the moment sex is a (rather fun) part of life, but it can be inconvenient to the people we live with. So when those things happen, or even when planned dates happen, it’s good to have somewhere else to escape to. You could go to the Student Center but that’s not always an option when you’re halfway through a marathon of “The Office” 11 at night and your roomie texts that their partner is coming over and to make yourself scarce ASAP. I would talk to some of your friends and ask if you could stay in their room while your roomie is having sex.
I hope all this was helpful, darlings. Before I go, I want you all to know that I’m dying to hear from you! Is there anything that you would like me to cover in this section — any burning questions or commentary that you have to share with the rest of sexy Salem? Send me a message! Can’t wait to hear from you all.
Enjoy yourselves, and others, Salemites.