College is often the first time that we have to share space with a roommate. This can be very difficult for some. Factor in a desire to have a healthy sex life and there is a lot of opportunity for conflict. Here are some tips and tricks for having a sex life and a roommate:
- The most important aspect of keeping your relationship with your roommate positive and still having a sex life is communication. It’s awkward, but having a frank and open discussion with your roommate at the beginning of the year or at the beginning of a new relationship is much better than having an awkward conversation after you’re sexiled or walk in on someone. Much like your roommate agreement, it is important to discuss and agree upon topics like prior notice, frequency, and the possibility of overnight stays.
- The only surefire way not to have your sex life conflict with your roommate’s life is to base everything in mutual respect. Respect your roomie’s time and space. Maybe you can go to your partner’s place if you’ve been in your room a lot. Never have sex on your roommate’s bed or while your roommate is in the room. I don’t care how deep of a sleeper you think they are! Respect your roommate and you should have no problems living together.
- Everyone is familiar with the image of the sock on the door. While that might be a little obvious for some tastes, it’s not a terrible idea. My first year roommate and I worked out a system; if there was a heart drawn on the top right corner of our whiteboard, that meant something was going down. If that was the case we shot each other a text to let saying that the message was received and to let us know when it was appropriate to come back to the room. Consider working out some kind of system to notify your roommate.
- While the idea of scheduling sex is probably not appealing to you, it’s not a bad idea to schedule “date nights” where you ask your roommate to leave the room for a certain period of time, even if the “date” doesn’t include a partner and is just a little me time. However, I recommend doing this sparingly and make sure your roommate has equal opportunity for time alone in your shared room!
- Life in a dorm means you sometimes have to deal with people other than your roommate. Consider how much noise you are making. Maybe play some music to drown out noises. Pro-tip: if your bed is against a wall, move it a few inches away so that the headboard isn’t banging against anything.
Good luck working out an agreement with your roommate that satisfies everyone involved!